you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
