found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
