If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
