she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
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