She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
