the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
