So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
