That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
