Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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