I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
