I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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