he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
