yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize