A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
