the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
