Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
3 2 1 whiskey
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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