Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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