i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
