dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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