Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
