I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
