did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
