if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wear drunk well.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
