he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Small penises have feelings too.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
