): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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