best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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