Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
