As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
