Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
