we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
