Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize