the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
