You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
