college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize