I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I have aggressive nipples.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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