mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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