I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I did not marry a roomba.
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