So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
