we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Two words: blizzard sex
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
