Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
