I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
