there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
