Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
