Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
40s are totally the cure
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
