I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize