we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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