I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
