I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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