I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
