I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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