The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
