They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
