i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Drunk is a universal language darling
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
