Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
