i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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