he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The power of my boobs compel you
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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