I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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