he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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