she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
