I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
