You're my little dorito
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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