don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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