Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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