I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
