Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
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